Dedicated to Tok Mama

Ever since I was born, there's only one grandma who had been taking care of me when i was a baby. She is my mom's mom and her name is Mariah binti Ahmad. My dad's mom (Sharifah Aminah) passed away before i was around and his new mak tiri (Maheran) is the most horrible biatch anyone could ever have. i mean this literally. Back to my tok mama, dia mcm org zaman dulu2, she was very lemah lembut, docile and takkan talk back if my beloved tok baba bebel kat dia ...hihi. She went through a lot in her life. Masa zaman Jepun, she had to disguise as a man, to walk around town and visit my tok baba when he was hospitalized (shot by Japanese because they tot he was a policeman tp sebenarnye pegawai kastam).

When i was little, i remember tok ma telling me to study hard. i asked her which university she went to. She answered, "University of Kitchen". At that time, i really tot there really were such uni. Hehe. Later on she mengidap penyakit parkinson. It started with her hands trembling. Ada sekali tangan dia on her tummy and then goyang2. So i held her hand so that the trembling stop. But she sempat buat lawak saying that dia tgh main guitar. hehe.

Her health deterorated over the years. Kalau tak silap, ever since tok baba and her self sakit, they stayed at our home for the past 10 years. I can count with the number of fingers of my jari kaki on how many times of tok ma's other two child visited her (my dead uncle and mak cak.....god held her when she dies). Anyway, my mom took care of them sepenuh jiwa raga. Hanya Allah saja yg boleh balas di akhirat. Hopefully, I get the tempias as well.

Her condition got worse in Aug 09. She had bedsores, which is normal for bedridden patients. Bila baik satu, naik sebelah dia. At it continued. My mother dilligently did the dressing. I assisted with the apparatus at times and tried to calm tok ma. Imagine when your wound is open, very deep inside. Sure sakit giler. After that she had difficulty to eat, so we gave her porridge. I guess the final stage of parkinson is when your muscles and some parts of the body refuse to give response. Makin lama, makin susah nak telan. We gave her dietary milk after that using syringe. I knew at that time it is almost time. Few weeks ago, i passed by her bed and she asked, "Pah ke?". Been awhile I didnt hear her speak so clearly. She asked me, "Tak tidoq lagi ka?". I said I'm about to. I stroke her head a few times and left her to sleep. After that, we didnt hear her speak again, other than her cries when umi was doing her wound dressing. Org kata kalau sakit lama, dosa2 diampunkan. Ada jugak kata the best way to go is when you are left skin and bones. I do pray it is like that for tok mama.

My beloved grandmother, Mariah binti Ahmad, passed away peacefully on 10th December 2009, just after azan Subuh. I am happy that I did my part taking care of her. Proud of my mom. Glad that she's not suffering anymore.

I'm happy that she knows that my mom has been a good daughter. She also got to see me married, my husband pon tolong jaga dia, made her laugh. She knows i'm in good hands. I'm sorry that she did not manage to see her great grandchild. I'll make sure that I talk about her and tok ba to my children. I have plenty of photos of them. I will not forget her.

I love you, tok ma. Miss you so much.

*tears*

Alfatihah.